Today I had encountered a man that I developed
curious feelings for.
It just turned out that this man was complicated and polluted with the false love of life that he shut himself in shell not sure what to do with himself.
I thought to myself that maybe I should stay around to help him, as myself felt compelled too.
But it just turned out to be something that I wish that I never obligated myself to try.
He just turned into a bi-polar mess and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t good enough for me to stay.
He was far too broken for help.
Wandering around, I was looking at the men that I could potentially get to know and I died inside a bit.
I felt lonely.
I didn’t want to feel that way, but for two years of my life I was held in the hands of a wonderful and willing man who loved me with everything he had.
I lost him.
I wanted to shut myself away.
The love I had once had left me.
His grandmother has less than a week to live.
I have to look into his crying eyes and endure his pain while hes in another country and his loving grandmother is in another.
I don’t want too.
I don’t want this.
Or that.
Tonight I talked to a man I have had feelings for since June.
I do adore, care, and would love to have.
But I shoved those feelings into the folds and holes of my heart and hid them away so I wouldn’t feel them.
It felt wrong to want another man when you have this amazing man by your side that would give you anything.
But now I was left with nothing.
And I feel those feelings coming back.
I can not fathom a piece of my mind to tell him how I feel.
I don’t even know if he even feels the slightest for me.
But just talking.
It felt so wonderful.
I laughed.
I fell off my chair.
I missed him so much.
It’s like he disappeared from my life after our little incident.
And I never wished that.
I secretly, in the bottom of my heart.
Want him for everything.
But I’m too scared to even think about it.
I think I’ll think on another day...
When my usual hazy red skies aren't cloudy with fear.
It just turned out that this man was complicated and polluted with the false love of life that he shut himself in shell not sure what to do with himself.
I thought to myself that maybe I should stay around to help him, as myself felt compelled too.
But it just turned out to be something that I wish that I never obligated myself to try.
He just turned into a bi-polar mess and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t good enough for me to stay.
He was far too broken for help.
Wandering around, I was looking at the men that I could potentially get to know and I died inside a bit.
I felt lonely.
I didn’t want to feel that way, but for two years of my life I was held in the hands of a wonderful and willing man who loved me with everything he had.
I lost him.
I wanted to shut myself away.
The love I had once had left me.
His grandmother has less than a week to live.
I have to look into his crying eyes and endure his pain while hes in another country and his loving grandmother is in another.
I don’t want too.
I don’t want this.
Or that.
Tonight I talked to a man I have had feelings for since June.
I do adore, care, and would love to have.
But I shoved those feelings into the folds and holes of my heart and hid them away so I wouldn’t feel them.
It felt wrong to want another man when you have this amazing man by your side that would give you anything.
But now I was left with nothing.
And I feel those feelings coming back.
I can not fathom a piece of my mind to tell him how I feel.
I don’t even know if he even feels the slightest for me.
But just talking.
It felt so wonderful.
I laughed.
I fell off my chair.
I missed him so much.
It’s like he disappeared from my life after our little incident.
And I never wished that.
I secretly, in the bottom of my heart.
Want him for everything.
But I’m too scared to even think about it.
I think I’ll think on another day...
When my usual hazy red skies aren't cloudy with fear.
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