What I hate so much.

I seriously want to stop getting so depressed lately every time I think about him or dream about him or something comes along that reminds me of him... it's killing me from the inside and I don't exactly know how much more I can take ... I wish I never opened up my feelings and kept quiet and never tried letting him back into my life. He ruined everything. He ruined me and he doesn't care. I seriously want to forget about everything but I hardly can when I'm so guarded now from the hurt he gave me. I want so much to be free and be me again ... but I cant. And it's what makes me upset, sad and cry. He ruined everything I was from giving me false hopes and dreams, when in the end he smashed them into a billion pieces. I want everything back to normal ... I hate being broken so much. This is not the best thing in the world whats so ever...