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I know I want to take things slow and have him get used to everything but, I regret every moment not being with him because I was so unhappy with everything before. And now I have my chance and I want it so much and you know, I can't control myself. I try everyday not to talk to him, but I give in later in the day because I just want to talk. That’s all I ever wanted, because it makes me happy. And sometimes I feel I can't even get that much anymore because no one understands that I just want some form of life that they actually care and want to talk to me. And somehow I feel like, he will always be the one I could never have. Because I screwed everything over with him before and I feel like I’ll never have him again like before because I hurt him so much. And I want to use as much time as I'm given to know that much that he does care. It sucks because I'm so unsure about everything and I just want to throw my hands up and say I'm done, but I can't physically because for so long I’ve wanted something and I can't let it go. I just … I really can't and don’t know.