Mind Post #5

I feel remorse. I feel distance.
Maybe its my mind speaking to me.
I do think that is the problem.
Maybe it's a guard he has. Doesn’t want to be hurt again.
I think I can break that guard with time … I think.
I hope.
I don’t want him distant anymore.
I want him.
So badly.
I hurts to even think about it.
If only he knew. If only he knew how badly my heart aches for him.

I need to try harder. But harder enough not to get my heart broken.
I can't have a broken heart.
No one can see me broken.
It’s not allowed.
I am not the one to be broken when everyone I love is broken too
Absolutely not.
I need to prepare myself for the worse.
I cannot assume he will be my everything so soon.
Or at all.
He could be someone else’s.
Oh dear gods, I cannot think about him being some one else’s.
No. Just no.
I cannot live with that.

My field is holding cold air in the afternoon air. It’s making my chest heavy. Like it’s going to concave. My heart can handle the pressure.